I’ve asked myself, “Why do women tear each other down?” a time or two over the years.

Have you ever had a friend, coworker, or sibling show glimpses of jealousy towards you?  Did it leave you wondering why?

I once worked with a woman who was hellbent on taking down every other woman in the company. I felt it the day she was hired—and I wasn’t wrong. She’d pick a target, wear them down, and move on to the next until they were all gone. 

I knew it was only a matter of time before I was next. I ended up quitting that job; she fucked with my peace far too much for the paycheque to be worth it, and the bosses were blind to what she was about. 

She ended up getting fired a year or two after I left. Apparently, the bosses finally opened their eyes and saw her for who she is.

So what’s actually going on? What makes the green-eyed monster rear its head in some women but not in others?

Why Some Women Turn On Other Women

Merriam-Webster defines jealousy as a painful awareness of another’s possessions or advantages and a desire to have them too.

Here’s the thing: jealousy is a complex emotion, and it doesn’t show up the same way for everyone. For some, it’s a fleeting feeling that passes quickly, for others, it lingers and is harder to get past.

Most of the time, jealousy is unleashed by a mix of emotional, psychological, and societal factors.  If you understand where it comes from, you can deal with it. 

Here are a few reasons why some women feel the need to tear down other women:

Insecurity & low self-esteem

One of the most common causes of jealousy is insecurity and low self-esteem.  When someone lacks confidence in their own worth, other women don’t inspire them—they threaten them. That insecurity often turns into tearing other women down. 

Fear of being left behind

The fear of being replaced or abandoned can pop up when women have been betrayed in the past by someone they cared about.  Maybe their partner left them high and dry or cheated on them. Or someone they thought was a friend backstabbed them, so they could get ahead and leave them in the dust.  That kind of experience can make it hard to trust anyone and leave you constantly waiting to be replaced. 

Comparing themselves to other women

Society and social media beg women to compare themselves to other women.  It can be hard not to think that everyone else has a ‘perfect’ life when you scroll through social media. A lot of women start thinking that they’re somehow less than everyone else.

The need to be in control

Some women feel the need to control everything, and when that control starts slipping away, feelings of jealousy crop up.  The more they try to keep control, the more possessive and jealous they become.

Past Experiences

Some women were taught, whether directly or indirectly, that other women are competition, not allies.   Some may have learned it by watching others and falsely believe that the only way to rise above in life is to crush anyone who is in the way. 

And once that ‘crush or be crushed’ mindset takes over, it doesn’t stay in the back of our mind; it leaks out into every corner of our lives, from who we’re sleeping with to who we’re working next to. 

Where This Actually Plays Out In Real Life

Here’s where jealousy tends to show up most: 

Romantic relationships

Women feel jealous or threatened by other women when their partner gives too much attention to other women, or if they have been betrayed in the past. These are hard feelings to squash, especially if the other woman is more attractive.

Friendships

It’s not uncommon for women to feel jealous of their friends, yup, even their best friends. They love their friend but still can’t stomp down those jealous feelings.  It doesn’t always mean the friendship is doomed, but it can put strain on the relationship.

Family relationships

Sibling rivalry can bring out the catty claws, especially if one thinks that their sister is the ‘favorite,’ or feels like they need to fight for attention. It isn’t just siblings, though; mothers can be jealous of their daughter or vice versa.  Of course, family is family; they love and want the best for them, but that doesn’t mean that jealousy can’t cause a massive rift and drive conflict.

Work

Some women just can’t handle seeing a coworker get the ‘good work,’ the opportunities, the rewards. If they feel that their coworker is stronger or doing better, it fuels the need to show them up.

Seeing it play out like that everywhere makes it easy to wonder if we’re all just hardwired to be this way.

Are All Women Jealous?

The short answer: no.   

We’re all capable of feeling it from time to time. We’re human after all. But a moment of jealousy is different than continually letting jealousy rule our lives. 

Jealousy is a natural emotion, but when you let it run the show, it negatively impacts the person who feels it and can potentially affect or destroy their relationships. 

Here are a few ways jealousy can negatively affect your life:

Emotional mayhem

Jealousy fuels anxiety, anger, and frustration, and if you let it sit too long, it starts shaping how you see yourself and everyone around you. Over time, it ramps up stress and can take a toll on both your mental and physical health. 

Touch-and-go relationships

Jealousy puts strain on every relationship it touches. It creates mistrust, tension, and resentment, and if it goes unchecked, it can end the relationship. 

Decreasing self-esteem

The worst part? It feeds the very thing that started it. The more you compare, the more you convince yourself you’re not enough. 

Troublesome behavior

Jealousy makes you act out of character: snooping, accusing, gossiping, assuming the worst. And that destroys trust faster than anything else. 

Loneliness

Stay stuck in that mindset long enough, and you start pulling away from people altogether. It feels easier than constantly feeling like you don’t measure up. 

If you’re wondering if someone in your life is stuck in a jealousy mindset, look for these signals.

9 Signs A Woman Is Jealous Of You

They give you fake compliments

They give compliments that don’t land quite right. The words sound supportive, but you can feel the hesitation behind them. 

They copy you

They start copying how you dress, talk, or show up. It might look like a compliment, but it’s really quiet competition. 

They flaunt what they have

They constantly highlight their wins, possessions, or how busy they are. It’s less about sharing and more about trying to one-up you. 

They try to hold you back

When you’re excited about something, they poke holes in it or try to talk you out of it. They’d rather see you play small than risk you moving ahead. 

They love to talk shit about you

They talk about you when you’re not around, and not in a good way. It’s a way to control how others see you while making themselves feel better. 

They compete with you

Everything turns into a competition. If you do something, they feel the need to do it bigger, better, or louder. 

They judge and criticize you

They point out your flaws every chance they get. It’s not feedback, it’s an attempt to knock you down a level. 

They love to see you fall

When something goes wrong for you, they show sympathy, but are really waiting to do a happy dance as soon as your back is turned. 

They downplay your wins

When you share good news, they brush it off, minimize it, or ignore it. They can’t celebrate you, so they downplay the moment instead. 

So, what are some things you can do to handle it?

How to Deal With Jealous Women

Dealing with a jealous woman can leave you feeling drained, frustrated, and stressed.  It can be hard to extend understanding, empathy, and patience, especially if it’s a coworker who has it out for you. 

Here are a few things you can try:

Don’t take it personally.  Their jealousy isn’t about you; it’s about what’s going on inside their head.

Create distance where you can. Set boundaries and do your best to stick to them.

Don’t overshare. They’ll use it against you if they can.  

Keep doing you.  Do what makes you happy, don’t let what they think of you hold you back.

Just because you understand where someone’s jealousy is coming from doesn’t mean you need to tolerate it. 

Let’s look at the other side of the coin.  It’s easy to point fingers; it’s a lot harder to look in the mirror and realize you might be the jealous one.

What If You’re the Jealous One?

Are you reading this and thinking, ‘Ah Shit, I’m the jealous one.’ 

Sister, you can overcome it.  You don’t have to continue feeling this way.  The choice is yours and yours alone.

Here are a few ways you can get started:

Acknowledge how you’re feeling

Call it what it is. If you’re feeling jealous, own it. You can’t fix something you keep pretending isn’t there. 

Self-Compassion

Don’t beat yourself, give yourself grace.  Nobody is perfect. Focus on your strengths, your values and all the shit you’ve already accomplished.  That’s not nothing.

Shut down negative thoughts

Those thoughts? They’re not facts. They’re limiting beliefs—you can reframe them into ones that serve you, and tell your inner critic to zip it.

Focus on growth

Stop watching what other women are doing and start building your own life. Dive into self-discovery. Do something you told yourself you couldn’t do. Prove yourself wrong.  

Be grateful

Start paying attention to what’s already working in your life. If you don’t, you’ll stay stuck chasing what everyone else has. One day, you might realize that your life isn’t so bad.

Talk to someone

If jealousy keeps showing up and causing shit in your life, talk to someone you trust—or a professional. Sometimes, an outside perspective can help you break the pattern. 

Final Thoughts

Jealousy isn’t the problem; what you do with it is. When you understand what’s driving it and have tools to deal with it, you handle it differently, whether you’re on the receiving end or the one dishing it out. The moment you notice it, you’ve already taken your power back. 

Ever had someone quietly compete with you instead of support you? Or caught yourself doing it? Drop a comment. Let’s talk.

If you’re over the bullshit stories in your head and ready to take your power back—get on the list. That’s exactly what we do here.